I love scotch. Scotchy scotch scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly. And with that quote, Ron Burgundy changed gentlemenhood forever.
But what is Scotch? How do you drink it? How do you order it?
We’re here for you gents.
What is Scotch
Well, first and foremost, we have to properly introduce it as a whiskey!
All whiskey is made from fermented grain mash, including it’s love-child, Scotch! Mashing is the brewer’s term for the hot water steeping process which hydrates the barley, activates the malt enzymes, and converts the grain starches into fermentable sugars. To qualify as a scotch the spirit must be made from malted Barley. You are allowed to include whole grains of other cereals as well as caramel coloring. No fermentation additives or short-cuts are ever permitted.
According to “Real Men Drink Whiskey“, the spirit must also be aged in oak casks for no less than three years, and must have an alcohol-by-volume (ABV) at less than 94.8%. One last rule. You cannot call Scotch a Scotch (say that three times fast for an extra fancy appeal!), unless it was made 100% in Scotland, from Scotland.
How do you drink Scotch?
In most places, drinking and tasting will come in the same glass. If you’re at home, any old glass will do, and a wine or champagne flute is actually a great substitute! But most enthusiasts except them to be served in a tulip-shaped whiskey glass. If you’re ordering one for practice at home, you can find them online. It seems the most popular is the Glencairn glass. A review from Wiki How says that it’s favored because “tapered mouth makes it easy to drink from, the whiskey smells glorious with each sip, and it feels good in the hand”. Oddly enough, the heat in your hands actually activates some of the ingredients found deep in a scotch barrel, so warm those babies up before you pick up that fancy glass!
How do I order Scotch?
Always, always order your whiskey “neat” if you plan on sipping or tasting or looking anything like a gentleman. Just so you’re forewarned, “neat” means that your drink will come out at room temperature with no ice.
You’re all set! It’d be quite unfair to end this without telling you to except a little bite on your tongue, a little burn in your belly, and another notch in your sophistication belts.
Go do something.